Wednesday, July 20, 2016

WARNING: i'm frustrated...again

I'm ...I just don't know what I am.
I'm not giving up. But, I just can't find the strength to get over this hump.
The very first time I pulled the trigger to spend money on this project was when I decided I would splurge on an upgrade to front disc brakes.
Those parts are still sitting in boxes, taking up space in the little 'corner office' Hubby set up for me to get myself organized. I can't sit at my desk, because there are boxes of rotors and flex hoses and dust caps and brake pads and...well, you get the picture.
The very first project I set out to do, has become the one I can't seem to get started!

As you all know, I know nothing about cars. I'm learning A LOT, but I don't really know anything substantial or helpful. This whole project relies on friends, strangers, the internet, and gumption.
Today, I ran out of gumption.
It always seems like a simple 'just do this' situation gets me all jazzed to get out there and get stuff done...but then I'm hit with the ol' 1-2 punch of 'not moving' and 'wrong part/tool'.
It's frustrating.
It's maddening.
It's wearing me down.

But, mostly because I just can't quit it.
I know Dad can't really see me and what I'm doing. Doing if 'for Dad' seems like a silly notion. But what isn't silly is doing it because if he WAS still alive, then I know he would be proud. Because if he was still alive, he'd be helping me get through this nonsense. He'd yell or make me feel like I was ridiculous for not knowing what to do, instinctively, but he'd get me through it. And, when he was on his 'death bed' and we asked him to let us have that car so that we could get it running again...and he agreed, with doubt in his voice...i didn't want it so that it could sit and rot in MY yard. I fully intended on getting this heap of scrap metal running again!

yes...I just pep talked myself. I definitely have a support system...there's no doubt about that!...but sometimes, even with the kind and helpful words of my friends, I can't find the strength to get through a day of stuck bolts without crying.
yes...I also just admitted that this project has me in tears. On more than this one occasion.
I don't apologize for it, but I also won't pretend it doesn't happen. It's a frustrating thing to spend an hour trying to get a bolt to move, simply to watch it spin and spin and place.

at any rate, here's where we're at:
fucking torsion bar adjuster bolts and blades that seem to be moving but not actually coming loose or moving me forward to getting shit done.
before height
after height
you can see there's a difference in exposed threads, but that bracket is stuck to that bolt like glue. Causing me to think that as I 'loosen' the tension on the torsion bar (that is, lower that control arm), I'm twisting all that other suspension stuff out of whack!
front axle, very early in project
front axle, today
I thought the front bits where moving A LOT during all of my wrenching today. But, looking at today's pic compared to one from many months ago (before I even took that brake parts off!)...they don't look all that different. Maybe all that movement was exaggerated in my head?

Whatever the case may be, I had to stop. I was in a kneeling position with a breaker bar in one hand and a flat head screwdriver in the other for a FULL HOUR! I thought I'd never walk again, when I finally straightened my legs.

I just want a day to go...relatively smoothly and productively. I want to go out and spend time with the car and come back in and really feel like I've accomplished something. Right now I have have done brakes, half done fuel system, half done body work...I haven't finished ONE thing.
I just want to finish something.
I'll finish my drink, for now.
(and I'm going to finish this post without editing...)

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