I'm sure no one really wants to hear another story about how hard this project is. How everything just seems to go wrong at that moment when I feel like something might just go my way. It's exhausting listening to someone go on and on about how the universe is against them and they are doomed to live a life of woe.
Well, I'm sorry, but that is how it goes.
I'm still sitting here with stuck ball joints and control arms. I've gotten lots of advice and tried a few methods (not all...I mean, there's still hope that I can get some forward momentum again). I've gone the route of simply giving up on the brakes and deciding to work on other bits, and then go back...but then I get it in my head that I can try just one more time...maybe the rust has loosened up enough...maybe I'm a little stronger today. But that just ends in more tears, same old stuck parts, and NOT moving on to other parts...and me drinking the beer I didn't earn.
What is wrong with me, anyway?Why can't I just face the fact that I may have reached that point where I just can't move forward?
Well, oddly, I have friends who still encourage me and tell me 'you can do it!' and continue to offer advice. I miraculously have a husband who, despite his burning desire to have 'his' parking space back, still asks 'how's it going?' and 'are you working on the car today?' like it's just a normal thing for me to do on a Saturday afternoon.
But, I'm not sure how to move forward anymore.I'm so down every time I think about the brakes and then I get nervous that my bad luck will continue when I go to drill the hole for the bolt for the fuel tank. Then I think about using a grinder to cut bolts off, and envision a cutting wheel to the face as my brother and so many others all over social media have endured. I like scars, but I also like not going to the hospital to have parts of my tools taken out of my face.
But it has to be done.I have to just get out there and drill that hole.
I have to cut those bolts off, if they aren't going to budge.
I have to get that torch and heat up those parts.
I just have to do it.I've used a drill before...I've just never used one while lying on my back.
I've cut bolts and nails before...I've just never done it in such tight spaces.
I've never used a torch before...that'll be a first!
So I do go on with my life thinking it's totally feasible for me to eventually get to the day when I have finished this project. Well, to the point I can drive it, anyway. I had some things that didn't make the list of repairs due to budget constraints, but after the hell of the brake conversion, those things will be for the next owner to tackle. I don't need a headliner, carpet, spare tire or non-leaking windows.
Basically, I still haven't gotten to the point of giving up. Well, I have said it, but that odd husband of mine has talked me off the ledge and convinced me I'd regret that decision. And I would regret it, I just wish I was stronger and better equipped to handle the set backs. these moments of non-movement.
If I knew even a little about cars, I'd feel more comfortable about it all.
Maybe I should use my complete ignorance of the job as a tool to lift me up. It can be my mantra:
You've done more than most people with your lack of car knowledge!